Judgement vs. Mercy

...judgement without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful.  Mercy triumphs over judgement!  (James 2:13)

Have you ever taken one of those spiritual gifts tests?  It has been a long time since  I've done any kind of written exam and several years since I've taken one of those inventories, mostly because they always gave me the same answer. All the other gifts fall by the wayside for me and I always score incredibly high in the gift of Mercy.  A lot of people who have known me over the years would nod their heads and say "of course, that explains all the tears and hugging".

Gift or Curse?
About five years ago I had been working hard to get rid of my "gift".  I found that the gift of mercy led me to feel too much...too much pain, too much heartache, too much empathy.  Too many tears and too much caring.  Who really needs all that? 

Guess what?...I do. I had become very adept at pushing back my emotions, telling myself that things weren't as bad as they seemed, people were just being dramatic, or even worse they were just trying to get attention or money or they were just super messed up and that was their problem.   Instead of feeling mercy and caring about people, I began to judge everyone.  Maybe some of the people warranted their judgements but most did not, and regardless, it is not my place to judge them.  I traded my "gift" for something worse...apathy and a critical spirit.  I traded my tears for a hard heart. 

Why am I telling you this?  Well, anyone who may be reading this might say, "I never knew".  It's not like I was super loud about it or anything.  I didn't verbally abuse anyone...okay maybe a couple people. Sorry!  I guess I'm sharing this as a warning to other people who may be feeling like me. 

Being the wife of a pastor is always interesting.  People have expectations of you that may or may not be fair (that is a whole other post entirely) and we "get" to see a lot of hard things.  My aim and my heart is to be as transparent as I can be without putting my family at risk or hurting someone else with my life.  Recently, we've been facing some difficult situations...some challenging and exciting, others just plain hard.  Today I was reminded again that it is not my job to judge anyone.  It is my job to love them...to use my gift (s) and my talents to make life easier for someone or to walk alongside them in a difficult time, regardless of whether I like how it makes me feel. 

After having a hard conversation today, I got in my car and the guy on the radio read the verse above.  I don't remember reading that verse before but it spoke truth into my heart and life today.  It couldn't have come at a better time for me.  My God works like that. 

Today I choose Mercy.